Okay, Imagine me waving with a spatula in one hand and my toddler clinging to the other. That's me, Austin, I'm a proud gay dad, living my dream dad life up north in Canada. Three years ago, I dove head-first into the beautiful whirlwind that is surrogacy, when I decided that my family gap needed a little filling... and boy... I mean girl, am I glad I did!
You might be wondering... "Austin, why on earth did you choose surrogacy?" Well, drumrolls, please... Here it comes- I wanted to create a family on my own terms.
Of course, fostering and adoption are amazing ways to grow a family. They bring you wonderful kiddos who need love and a safe home. But... with surrogacy, you're in the driver's seat right from conception. You have a say in everything, like the surrogate, the egg donor... even the timing. I like to be in control... can you tell?
Over a cup of coffee (and, let's be honest, a couple of donuts 🍩)... I want you to picture your dream family. What do you see? For as long as I can remember, my dream was populated with the sound of little feet and giggles. Raised in a sprawling family, the wish to embrace fatherhood was ingrained in me. But when I came out as gay, the image of that dream became blurry... that is, until surrogacy entered my life and brought those dreams back to life.
When it comes to creating a family, it's not one-size-fits-all. Maybe you've thought about fostering or adoption – those are amazing choices. But they weren’t my choice... they didn’t match the vision I had. What about you?
Surrogacy hands you the paintbrush. It lets you create your family portrait in the most colorful, imaginative strokes imaginable. The family canvas, that, if you're anything like me, has been living in your dreams, just waiting to be painted. Surrogacy allows for a personalized and tailored approach to family building.
Let's take it from the top. So, how exactly does surrogacy work? Well, it's not as complicated as you might think... and it is truly an amazing process.
Step 1: You start with selecting a surrogate. She could be someone you already know or introduced through a reputable agency. It's important, though - super important, folks - to ensure your surrogate is medically and psychologically fit for the task (which is something your agency will check for).
Step 2: Next comes the legal process. This may not be the most exciting part, but it's a crucial step. Surrogacy contracts protect all parties involved and outline parental rights, compensation, medical procedures, and the like.
Step 3: An embryo is then created using IVF techniques. The future parent(s) can choose to use their own genetic material (eggs or sperm), or they may opt for a donor. This allows a biological connection with your child that adoption or fostering may not provide.
Step 4: Now, the embryo is transferred into the surrogate's womb. A nerve-racking, but exciting period of waiting follows. With luck and lots of good vibes, the embryo will attach and grow into a little smoosh of a baby.
End game? That beautiful moment, when the surrogate delivers the baby and the intended parents finally hold their child. A heart-warming scene and lot's of joyful tears, I can assure you.
That's the basic rundown. This journey has the potential to enrich and expand your family in a unique and magical way. It's not without challenges, trust me, but at the end of the day... it's completely worth it.
There's no right or wrong way to build a family. Adoption, fostering, or surrogacy... they're all amazing routes to parenthood. But when we're talking about surrogacy, you've got a unique list of pros that might suit your situation better than the others.
MethodsSurrogacyFosteringAdoptionBiological ConnectionYesNoSometimesKnowledge of Health HistoryYesOften UnknownUsually PartialTime to ParenthoodTypically FasterCan VaryOften LongerLegal RightsEstablished at BirthTemporaryPermanent after ProcedureEmotional JourneyIntensely PersonalCan be UncertainOften Stressful
In a nutshell, surrogacy offers a unique path for gay parents intending to expand their family, providing a biological connection to the child, comprehensive knowledge of health history, and quicker timelines on the journey to parenthood. Moreover, legal parental rights are established at birth, and the emotional journey, while intensely personal, is typically more predictable than fostering or adoption.
Let's get a bit personal here... I opted for surrogacy, and let me tell you, holding my daughter for the first time... well, there's no way to describe it. Surrogacy provides a unique opportunity for intended parents to be involved in the pregnancy journey. It was a life changing experience to witness the birth... like Love with a capital 'L'.
It's the magic of seeing your eyes, your partner's smile, Aunt Hilda's legendary cheekbones, or the notorious nose from your family tree, on your very own child. These biological connections often ignite feelings of belonging. A primal, profound bond that’s tough to articulate.
Note: Of course this is not to diminish the bonds formed through other methods like adoption or fostering. They too create incredible, profound ties of love and connection.
Opting for surrogacy presents a remarkable advantage in terms of health history. Unlike adoption or fostering, where intricate details of the biological parent's health might be obscure or downright missing, surrogacy offers full transparency. You're in charge... You get to pick your perfect match, diving deep into the health background of your surrogate. This allows a clear genetic roadmap, helping you to understand any possible inherited conditions or risks.
Unfortunately, adoption and fostering don't offer such a luxury. The gamble with the unknown can be nerve-wracking. With surrogacy, you get to eradicate a lot of those 'what ifs', giving you added peace of mind.
Surrogacy often results in a faster path to parenthood, in contrast to fostering and adoption which can entail long, unpredictable wait times. Walking down the surrogacy road, you're skipping the years it might take for your adoption application to float to the top of the pile or for the perfect foster child match to come along, especially for non-traditional queer families.
When it comes to legalities, surrogacy often offers a smoother ride. With surrogacy, your names can be on the birth certificate from day one, and your legal parenthood isn't in question. With adoption or fostering, well... I won't sugarcoat it, the process can be quite cumbersome. Legal bureaucracy, additional paperwork and the risk of agreements falling through at the last minute. Surrogacy offers that legal surety and peace of mind that may be important for you.
The surrogacy process allows you to be involved from the earliest stages... cuddling up to those sonograms, being there for the first heard heartbeats. It's a roller coaster. Truth is, you gain a profound connection, not only to your little bean, but also to the amazing woman carrying your baby.
I'm feeling a bit science-y. This is where surrogacy as an option gets fascinating. A biological connection forms a chain that links you, your child, and generations past in a beautiful, unbreakable sequence... it's kind of a mind f*** to think about.
Here is the TLDR; Sharing a genetic makeup with your child isn't just about passing on your mesmerizing emerald eyes or jaw-dropping math talent (admit it, you're secretly hoping for a mini math-lete). There is so much more to this biology gig than meets the eye...
Scientists – yes, those folks in white coats – have found that parents and children who share genes typically have more similar interests and temperaments. Why? Because our genes influence everything from our love for music to our addiction to early morning coffee.
There’s even a cute name for this phenomenon: “gene-environment correlation.” It means that your genes can guide your child towards experiences that will develop their inherited tendencies. So if you're a sarcastic a**hole, there's a chance your kiddo might be too 😅
Plus, there's trust. Knowing your child's genetic makeup means you have a comprehensive understanding of any inherited health risks they might face.
Knowing your child's health history is paramount in being able to predict and prevent certain diseases or conditions. Is there a predisposition to heart disease, diabetes, or perhaps a rare genetic disorder lurking in the family genes? With surrogacy, you've got access to all those crucial bits of info.
Fast-forward 20 years. Your child, now grown-up, might want to know their health risks. Whether they've inherited grandma's near-perfect vision, or grandpa's unfortunately not-so-perfect cholesterol levels... Those pieces of the biological puzzle can only be completed if they know their genetic backstory, and that's a luxury foster care or adoption might not always provide.
And hey, no judgment on the other methods. More power to anyone who becomes a parent, whatever path they choose! But you can't deny the benefits health history knowledge.
Imagine walking through a maze, blindfolded... And this isn't just any maze—it's a maze that involves medical procedures, legal paperwork, and a whole slew of emotions. Sounds terrifying, wouldn't you agree? That's exactly what navigating the surrogacy journey might feel like if you tried to do it on your own.
Trust me, my partner and I considered it. We're pretty independent guys after all. But then we thought... why put ourselves through that stress? Instead, we decided to take the leap and use a surrogacy agency. And folks, I cannot begin to express how glad we are that we took that route.
The intricacies of surrogacy are no joke – medical procedures, matching with the right surrogate, legal processes, you name it. But having an experienced agency by our side was a life-saver. It's like having a trusted friend navigating you through that scary maze, taking the guesswork out of the equations and playing an indispensable role in our journey to parenthood.
Trust me on this one: use an agency.
So, you're probably wondering... where do I even start looking for a reputable surrogacy agency, right? I've got you covered. There are a lot, and I mean, a LOT of agencies out there, but the one that stands out for me? It's the World Center of Baby.
World Center of Baby is a global agency that has had an exceptional impact on many lives. It's trusted, reliable, and they're all about individual approach. I've met the founder personally and they're dedicated advocates for gay and trans rights - could there be anything more fantastic?
Imagine this: a team of professionals who understand you, who share your aspiration of becoming parents, and who are committed to providing the comfort and confidence same-sex couples need.
They’ve pushed the envelope even further by setting up an innovative outpost in Mexico, amplifying their global reach. Why Mexico, you may ask? The answer is simple - it's a country with a robust surrogacy-friendly legal framework that respects and values gay and trans individuals or couples.
I get it. This whole thing can be a lot to take in, right? I've been there too. So, let's do this - what if I personally introduce you to the team? Really, feel free to reach out to me and ask me anything - I mean it! The folks at World Center Of Baby? They're awesome and ready to help out.
So, what are you waiting for? Give surrogacy a chance and reach out to me for that intro.
Before we wrap things up, let's bash some good old myths about surrogacy that are just flat-out wrong, shall we?
And there it is... the unfiltered, wholly rewarding experience of my surrogacy journey. I chose this path and I walked it, and each step brought me closer to expanding my family in a very real, very personal way.
I took the leap, took the chance on surrogacy... And let me tell you, it's been one hell of a ride—one that landed me with an adorable, giggly, and very real, sometimes menacing munchkin. A ride I wouldn't trade for the world.
Now, enough about me—let's talk about you... Are you thinking of diving into these surrogacy waters too? Or maybe you're just dipping your toe in? Either way, if you've got any questions at all, or maybe just need someone to tell you that yes, it's a good day for a swim—reach out to me. I'm here and ready to chat, share experiences, answer questions... and give you a little nudge if you need it.
Remember, I've been where you're standing now—I know how big the decision is. But let me put it this way... the leap is definitely worth the landing 😘