Kids complaining is basically the background noise of parenting. It’s always there. And it’s exhausting.
Kids complain for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they’re tired or overwhelmed. Sometimes it’s their way of connecting. And a lot of the time they just feel like they don’t have much control over anything.
Our job isn’t to shut them down but to help them learn better ways to handle those big emotions without turning every car ride or mealtime into a full-blown complaining session.
Plus, research shows that constant negativity doesn’t do anyone any favours, not them, and definitely not us. So let’s talk about how to help our kids build healthier habits when it comes to expressing their frustrations.
Most kids don’t even realize they’re whining. To them, it’s just how they talk when they’re frustrated or tired. So when we say, “Stop whining,” it usually doesn’t land.
Try this: with their permission, record them during a typical whiny moment. Then, record them saying the same thing using a calm voice. Play both clips back and ask which one sounds better, or which one they’d rather listen to. It’s not about shaming them it’s about helping them recognize the difference.
Or, model the whining yourself. Use an exaggerated, dramatic voice and ask, “Do you like it when I talk like this?” Then switch to your regular voice and let them compare. Most of the time, they’ll crack up and agree a calm voice is better.
That’s your opening to talk about using a “strong voice” or “kind voice” something that’s clear and steady. Practice it together. Kids love trying on their superhero voice, and when they get it right, give them a high-five or cheer them on. Positive feedback sticks way better than constant correction.
Listening is the hard part. When your kid is losing it over something, it’s easy to brush it off. But even small frustrations feel big to them. So instead of shutting them down or telling them to “get over it,” try leaning in.
That means real listening. Not half-listening while scrolling your phone or planning dinner in your head. Make eye contact. Stay calm. Don’t interrupt. When we give them our attention, they’re more likely to calm down because they feel seen.
And when they’re mid-meltdown, try using the magic phrase: “I hear you... AND…”
It sounds like this:
This approach does two things: it validates their feelings (without pretending they’re right) and reminds them there are limits. It’s gentle but firm and way more effective than saying, “Because I said so.”
Kids complain when they feel powerless. If someone else made all your decisions, from what you wore to when you had to sleep, you’d probably whine too.
So how do we help them feel more in control without letting them run the show? Simple: give them choices.
Next time your kid starts venting about life’s great injustices (like why bedtime is even a thing), try this:
“Sounds like you’re feeling frustrated. Do you want to vent, or do you want to make a plan?”
That one line can work magic. Sometimes, they just need to blow off steam. So let them. Be their sounding board nod along, throw in a few “Mm-hmms,” and let the storm pass. Other times, they might be ready to move forward.
When your kid yells, “I hate dinner!” it’s hard not to take it personally. But before crashing out, let’s take a breath and reframe.
Parent coach Sandy Blackard has a brilliant trick for this: Turn complaints into wants or wishes. Behind every gripe is a kid expressing something they care about they just don’t always know how to say it.
For example:
See what’s happening here? You’re acknowledging the emotion without escalating the drama. You’re also showing them they can communicate what they want without yelling.
When we start hearing complaints this way, they become less about what’s “wrong” and more about what our kids value: creativity, autonomy, and curiosity. And once we stop seeing their complaints as personal attacks, it’s a whole lot easier to stay calm and connected.
Alright, let’s talk boundaries because kids aren’t born knowing when to stop complaining. Sometimes, they just need a bit of structure to help them reset.
One of my favourite tricks (courtesy of Dr. Laura Markham) is the complaint time limit.
Here’s how it works: when the whining is getting out of hand, say something like:
“Okay, this is your last chance to complain for the rest of the day. I’m setting a timer for three minutes, and you can go all out loud, dramatic, the whole nine yards. After that, we switch back to normal voices.”
Then hit start. And if you need to pop in your earphones during the performance, I fully support you.
Not into full-on theatrical release? Try a low-key version:
These gentle boundaries help kids feel heard without letting negativity dominate the day.
If your child is a chronic complainer, consider setting up a regular “Complaint Time” maybe 10 minutes after dinner. Let them know any complaints outside of that window will need to wait.
Here’s where we get to have some fun because nothing diffuses tension quite like silliness. Kids live in a world of imagination, so let’s meet them there.
Next time your child complains about going to school, challenge them:
“Say the opposite five times ‘I like school and I want to go!’”
By round five, you’ll both probably be cracking up.
If toy-sharing turns into a war zone, ask them to announce in their most dramatic voice:
“Sharing is my VERY FAVORITE THING!”
It’s goofy, yes but ridiculous often leads to connection, and that’s what really helps shift behaviour.
Once they’ve practiced using their “strong voice,” bring it back with playful reminders. Try:
It turns a frustrating moment into a mini treasure hunt and gives them space to reset without shame.
Books are another great tool. Try the You Wouldn’t Want to Be… series those jobs (like Polar Explorer or Apollo 13 astronaut) weren’t exactly luxurious. Or grab Monsters Eat Whiny Children by Bruce Eric Kaplan. It’s weird, hilarious, and sneaks in a subtle message about breaking the whining habit.
Kids complain for lots of reasons, but it’s totally normal and manageable. Here’s a quick rundown:
I think we often forget that complaining is just one of those things kids do because they’re still figuring out how to process their big emotions. I know there are days when I lose my patience, I have to remind myself that this whole parenting gig is about progress, not perfection.
Here’s the thing: kids aren’t trying to drive us crazy when they whine they’re just doing their best with the tools they’ve got. Our job is to give them better tools while keeping our sanity intact.
That means meeting them where they are whether it’s recording their voice so they can hear how whining sounds, setting up a designated “complaint time,” or laughing together over silly phrases like “Sharing is my VERY FAVORITE THING!” Trust me, a little playfulness goes a long way in turning grumpy moments into bonding ones.
Check out more tips and resources at austinplease.com, where I share everything from parenting hacks to stories about my own hilarious misadventures as a stay-at-home gay dad. Let’s keep building stronger families, one playful blog post at a time.
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