Surrogacy vs. Adoption in 2024 (Gay Dads Journey to Parenthood)

Austin Please
Updated on
December 20, 2023

When Stefan and I decided to start a family we were open to both options, adoption, and surrogacy.

Each process is unique and has its own benefits and challenges.

We compared surrogacy and adoption but in the end, we chose surrogacy.

For our peace of mind, surrogacy was the better option for us because it allowed us to be more in control of the process.

We are both data-driven engineers who like to create and follow plans. With surrogacy we chose the egg donor, we chose the surrogate, and we chose the timeline.

With adoption, there were too many uncertainties and unknown variables for us to create a solid plan.

And we wanted a plan that would limit the risk of us being heartbroken from increased timelines or last-minute changes of mind.

Additionally, we wanted to be able to have access to the medical history and background of our surrogate and egg donor. Surrogacy gave us that assurance that was not possible with adoption.

We understand everyone’s journey is different and there is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to starting a family.

But for us, surrogacy was the right option and we are now happier than ever with our beautiful family.

We encourage all couples to explore their options and do their research in order to make an informed decision about which path is best for them. Surrogacy and adoption both have benefits and challenges but at the end of the day, the goal is to find joy and happiness in becoming parents.

No matter what path you take, it will be a beautiful journey that will change your life forever.

In addition to being in control, we chose surrogacy for these top 3 reasons…

1. Surrogacy Legal Certainty

From the start of the surrogacy process, we worked with our lawyer (link) to create legally binding contracts between us, and all parties involved (egg donor & surrogate).

Surrogacy contracts are designed to protect all parties involved in the process, and to make sure that everyone’s rights and interests are respected. Surrogacy agreements offer couples legal certainty by outlining certain responsibilities, such as the surrogate’s agreement to not change her mind about being a surrogate, or any restrictions on travel during pregnancy

Expanding on this point, couples also have the ability to provide stipulations in their surrogacy agreements that may not be possible with adoption. Surrogacy contracts can spell out specific conditions that all parties must adhere to throughout the process. This includes the surrogate’s agreement to follow a healthy diet and lifestyle during pregnancy, restrictions on travel

The biggest difference here is that, with gestational surrogacy (this is what we did), the surrogate is not biologically related to the child and therefore has no legal rights when it comes to the child. They have also entered into this agreement knowing that they will not be keeping the child they are carrying.

In the adoption process, you generally have less control and can face uncertainty about the adoption decision from the birth mother.

2. Surrogacy Predictable Timeline

The average family in Canada waits 2-4 years to adopt a child and that’s assuming that everything goes smoothly.

I’ve heard of couples waiting as long as 8 years for their first adoption and others who only waited only 9 months.

That’s a huge time gap and it would stress me out!

Surrogacy also offers couples a more predictable timeline when compared to adoption. Surrogates are typically pregnant within 6-18 months of beginning the process, depending on certain factors such as the health and age of the surrogate and the availability of an egg donor. This allows couples to plan better and make sure they have enough

So, knowing ourselves, and our planning styles, we opted for surrogacy which has an average wait time of 2 years – but you are involved and have more control in the process from the start to finish.

3. Access to Medical History

With both surrogacy and adoption, you will have interactions with the women involved in the process.  But with surrogacy, you have the added bonus of access to medical history from both the egg donor and surrogate.

This can provide valuable information about their health histories, something that’s not always available in adoption processes. Surrogates and egg donors must undergo thorough medical screenings for certain infectious diseases before they are allowed to enter into a surrogacy agreement.

This is important information from both a legal and medical standpoint, as it gives couples peace of mind.

It’s strongly encouraged for adoptive families to stay in touch with the birth mother after the adoption process. But, with surrogacy, couples are in contact not just with the surrogate but also the egg donor, throughout the pregnancy and after.

But this isn’t the case for egg donors…

Our doctor strongly advised us to stay anonymous from out egg donor. He told us that only 3% of egg donors and intended parents choose to have a relationship.

For Maya’s sake, we chose to be part of the 3% and maintain a relationship with our egg donor. Having access to the other half of her lineage for medical history is invaluable. In addition to that, I’m sure she will be curious one day and want to meet her egg donor, we want to be able to give her curious mind that opportunity.

Final Thoughts on Surrogacy and Adoption

There are multiple paths to parenthood.

Some are blessed with the ability to procreate and others need a little help.

Stefan and I always dreamed of becoming parents and surrogacy was our chosen path because we had more control in the process.

Surrogacy and adoption are both viable pathways to becoming a parent, each with its own unique benefits and challenges. Surrogacy provides couples with greater control over the process in terms of legal certainty, predictable timelines, access to medical history from egg donors and surrogates, and even the potential for an ongoing relationship between intended parents and their donor or surrogate. Ultimately it’s up to you as a couple to decide what route is best for your family – but whatever path you pursue know that there is no wrong choice when pursuing parenthood!

Last Updated on
December 20, 2023
Austin Please

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Austin Please
I’m a gay dad, a happy husband, and recently my own boss. But it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, i’m still striving to grow a mustache to achieve ultimate dadness.
Austin Please
I’m a gay dad, a happy husband, and recently my own boss. But it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, i’m still striving to grow a mustache to achieve ultimate dadness.
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