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#006: MAKING A FAMILY
Surrogacy vs. Adoption
When Stefan and I decided to start a family we were open to both options, adoption and surrogacy.
Each process is unique and has it’s own benefits and challenges.
We compared surrogacy and adoption but in the end, we chose surrogacy.
For our peace of mind, surrogacy was the better option for us because it allowed us to be more in control of the process.
We are both data driven engineers who like to create and follow plans. With surrogacy we chose the egg donor, we chose the surrogate, and we chose the timeline.
With adoption, there were too many uncertainties and unknown variables for us to create a solid plan.
And we wanted a plan that would limit the risk of us being heartbroken from increased timelines or last minute changes of mind.
In addtion to ‘being in control’ we chose surrogacy for these top 3 reasons…
1. Legal Certainty
From the start of the surrogacy process we worked with our lawyer (link) to create legally binding contracts between us, and all parties involved (egg donor & surrogate).
The biggest difference here is that, with gestational surrogacy (this is what we did), the surrogate is not biologically related to the child therefore has no legal rights when it comes to the child. They have also entered into this agreement knowing that they will not be keeping the child they are carrying.
In the adoption process you generally have less control and can face uncertainty about the adoption decision from the birth mother.
2. Predictable Timeline
The average family in Canada waits 2-4 years to adopt a child and that’s assuming that everything goes smoothly.
I’ve heard of couples waiting as long as 8 years for their first adoption and others who only waited only 9 months.
That’s a huge time gap and it would stress me out!
So, knowing ourselves, and our planning styles, we opted for surrogacy which has an average wait time of 2 years – but you are involved and have more control in the process from the start to finish.
3. Access to Medical History
With both surrogacy and adoption you will have interactions with the women involved in the process.
It’s strongly encouraged for adoptive families to stay in touch with the birth mother after the adoption process.
But this isn’t the case for egg donors…
Our doctor strongly advised us to stay anonymous from out egg donor. He told us that only 3% of egg donors and intended parents choose to have a relationship.
For Maya’s sake, we chose to be part of the 3% and maintain a relationship with our egg donor. Having access to the other half of her lineage for medical history is invaluable. In addition to that, I’m sure she will be curious one day and want to meet her egg donor, we want to be able to give her curious mind that opportunity.
There are multiple paths to parenthood.
Some are blessed with the ability to procreate and others need a little help.
Stefan and I always dreamed of becoming parents and surrogacy was our chosen path because we had more control in the process.
Is 4 years too long to wait to adopt a child and start a family?
How long would you be willing to wait for the adoption process?
Let me know in the comments below.
Here are some excellent resources if you are interested in reading more on this topic,