What Is Trust In Marriage?

Hey there fellow gay parents! Picture this: My husband and I are sitting on the couch after a long day. He gives me that look because I forgot to take out the trash… again.

And don’t even get me started on his idea of a “good” Netflix show, it’s like he’s picking them just to annoy me. But you know what? For all the little things we might not fully rely on each other for (hello, garbage duty), when it comes to the important stuff, the heart-and-soul kind of stuff, we’ve got this trust thing down pat.

Trust in a marriage is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but let me be real, it’s about so much more than just believing someone will do what they say.

Sure, dictionaries talk about “assured reliance,” blah blah blah, but in our house, trust means knowing deep down that no matter what life throws at us, we’re always going to have each other’s backs. It’s feeling safe, loved, and valued, even if we can’t agree on whether rom-coms are better than action movies.

Trust: The Secret Sauce Every Couple Needs

You know, I’ve met a lot of couples over the years, both in my own life and through conversations with friends, and one thing always stands out: when things feel “off” in a relationship, trust is usually at the root of it.

Like, think about it. If you don’t trust your partner, how can you ever really relax?

How do you feel safe enough to be vulnerable, to share your goofy dreams or admit when you’re struggling?

Trust isn’t just some abstract concept; it’s the bedrock of everything we build together as husbands, dads, and partners.

What Does Trust Look Like?

For us, trust sounds like a lot of small but meaningful questions that pop up every day. Like, “Can I count on you?” Whether it’s helping wrangle the kids during dinner chaos or figuring out how to stretch the budget for vacation, knowing we can lean on each other makes all the difference.

Or, “Do you have my back?” Life gets messy sometimes, like when one of us has a bad day at work or when we’re dealing with our daughter when she's sick. Knowing that my husband will step up and say, “I’m here, let’s figure this out together,” gives me the strength to keep going.

And then there’s faithfulness. It’s not something we talk about daily, but it’s always there, a quiet promise that we’ve chosen each other, no matter what. That’s huge. It’s also about boundaries. When he says, “Hey, I need some space to decompress after work,” I take that seriously. And I know he does the same for me.

The Checklist We Didn’t Know We Needed

If I were to break it down, trust in our marriage looks a lot like this:

• “Can I count on you?” To help with the kids, make decisions about finances, or tackle household chores without being asked three times. (Okay, maybe four.)
• “Do you have my back?” When times get tough, or when the world feels like it’s piling on the stress.
• “Will you be faithful to me?” Not just physically, but emotionally too.
• “Do you do what you say you’ll do?” Because actions speak louder than words, right?
• “Will you be there for me when I’m struggling?” Whether it’s a bad day or a hard season, showing up matters more than anything else.
• “Can we create an emotionally safe relationship?” Where we both feel heard, respected, and valued.
• “Do you choose me first?” Over family drama, over friends who “just need you for a second,” and even over colleagues who email way too late at night.
• “Will you honor my boundaries?” Because trust means respecting each other’s limits and needs.

What Trust Is No

Now about the flip side of trust because, honestly, knowing what trust isn’t is just as important. Trust isn’t showing up inconsistently or using your power in a way that makes your partner feel small. It’s not ignoring their feelings, brushing off their needs, or being emotionally unavailable when they’re counting on you. And let me be clear, it’s definitely not lying, breaking promises, or leaving them to handle the tough stuff alone.

Here’s an example: Imagine my husband has a rough day, maybe work was brutal, or he’s feeling unsure about himself. If I were to shrug it off, ignore him, or worse, make him feel like his feelings don’t matter?

That would create a gap. He’d stop trusting me, and honestly, who could blame him?

Thankfully, we’ve never let it get to that point. But it’s a good reminder of what happens when trust erodes, those little moments of disconnect can turn into big cracks in the foundation of a relationship.

Trust Matters (TL;DR)

Look, trust isn’t always easy. Life gets messy, and we’re all human. But at the end of the day, trust is the glue that holds everything together. It’s what lets us say, “I’ve got you,” and actually mean it. Couples who prioritize trust, really see it, nurture it, and live it, are the ones who build marriages that feel safe, loving, and full of connection.

And that’s what we’re all aiming for, right? A partnership where we feel seen, valued, and loved, even on the hard days. Where we can look at our spouse and know, without a doubt, that they’re in our corner no matter what.

We’re Here for You (And Your Marriage)

At the heart of this blog, and honestly, at the heart of everything I do, is a deep care for people and their relationships. Marriages take work, but they’re so worth it.

My hope is that by sharing these thoughts, you’ll walk away with tools to strengthen your own relationship. And hey, if this resonates with you, pass it along to another couple who might need it too. We’re all in this together, and the more we spread the love (and the wisdom), the better off we’ll all be.

So, here’s to trust, the quiet hero of every strong marriage. Cheers to building something real, something lasting, and something that feels like home.

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